Why Casual Gatherings Beat Formal Networking
When we stop trying so hard to network and start showing up as ourselves
I've been thinking about how connection actually happens when you're living abroad. There is something almost magical about certain moments – when conversation flows naturally, when you forget you're supposed to be "networking," and when you find yourself genuinely interested in someone whose story delights you. These moments rarely happen at formal networking events.
This month, I'm exploring how women living abroad build communities that support them through significant changes and help them flourish in new environments. From conversations with women in different countries, I have observed that the most meaningful communities often start in the most unexpected ways.
Take Akiko, who started what became Guangzhou Language Exchange in a coffee shop in February 2023. "I tried to keep the environment as welcoming and friendly as possible," she explains. "I didn't focus on increasing the number of participants, rather, I focused on having the people who understand and agree with our core values." What started with about 15 people has grown to nearly 1000 registered members – not through aggressive networking tactics, but through authentic connections around a shared interest.
Or consider Winghua, who was struggling with reverse culture shock after returning to China from a year stuck in the US during the pandemic. She attended a Global Friendship event seeking comfort and belonging. "I felt like I didn't fully belong either in Chinese culture or in Western culture," she shares. What she found wasn't just community support – she met her current boyfriend there. "It really showed me the power of GF in creating meaningful and unexpected connections.”
The difference between these experiences and traditional networking becomes clear when you consider what makes casual connections work. As Akiko puts it: "I think casual events, people come with no objective or more like 'just wanna make friends' type of the vibe, so maybe it is easier to join, no need to be nervous, there is no pressure, so it's easier to talk and start the authentic conversation.”
There is wisdom in this observation about pressure and being real with each other. When we remove the agenda – the business cards, the elevator pitches, the strategic relationship building – we create space for sincere curiosity about each other. Shared activities provide natural conversation starters and common ground. The coffee shop setting, language practice, and cultural celebrations – these situations give us something to do together, which often matters more than what we say to each other.
What I've noticed from these conversations is how women actually build communities across cultures. These genuine experiences provide insights into adapting to new places that stem from real connection rather than advice from books. The most successful international communities aren't built on backgrounds or job positions – they're founded on shared experiences and mutual support.
Looking ahead, I'll explore how Global Friendship has created exactly this kind of welcoming environment in Guangzhou, examining what makes mixed communities work better than groups based solely on identity, and sharing practical frameworks for creating lasting communities.
It all begins with recognising that the connections we need most often occur when we stop trying so hard to network and start showing up as ourselves.
What's your experience with building meaningful connections abroad? Have you noticed that casual gatherings foster different kinds of relationships compared to formal networking events? I'd love to hear about a time when an unexpected conversation or shared activity resulted in a lasting friendship!