The Introvert's Advantage: Building Community on Your Own Terms

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Have you ever felt guilty for not wanting to attend yet another expat meetup? Or worried that preferring quiet dinners with one friend over group gatherings means you’re not “really” integrating?

If so, you’re not alone. And more importantly, you’re not doing it wrong.

This month’s focus on redefining success made me reflect on a less obvious form of achievement: the capacity to cultivate a meaningful community without draining yourself. Over time, many of us have internalised the belief that successful expat living demands a busy social schedule, perpetual availability, and always saying yes to invitations.

For introverts living abroad, this expectation creates an impossible standard.

The Pressure to Perform Social Success

When I first arrived in Guangzhou, I took the usual step of joining every relevant WeChat group I could find. As a planner, it seemed like good preparation. As a newcomer to the city, it felt like creating a safety net.

Soon, the meetup invitations began arriving, accompanied by an unexpected sense of pressure. Every invitation seemed like a test: should I attend to demonstrate my commitment to building connections, or decline and risk being forgotten and excluded from future outings?

The fear was real. What if the people I might need someday, for advice, for support, for a simple human connection, stopped inviting me because I said no too often? What if my introversion costs me the very community I was trying to build?

So, I pushed myself to attend events despite feeling physically exhausted. I showed up even when mentally drained, and I said yes when I felt like staying home to recharge.

And then I realised I was focused on achieving social success rather than genuinely building it.