Nicole and her friend couldn't seem more different on paper. Different countries, family backgrounds, ages, and careers—at first glance, you might wonder what they could possibly have in common. Yet today, they are among each other's closest friends, a bond that started during a charity trip to Guizhou through Global Friendship.
"What brought us together was our shared desire to help others," Nicole explains. "Through the weekend, we not only did that, but found common ground in other interests too—kids, being in nature, and food." What started as two strangers working towards the same goal became a friendship that continues to deepen through shared discoveries about everything from parenting to hiking to exploring local cuisine.
This story reveals something important about how authentic connections actually form across cultural differences: shared purpose creates stronger bridges than shared backgrounds ever could.
The Networking Trap
Most of us approach building connections abroad with a familiar script. We join groups based on obvious commonalities—our nationality, profession, or life stage. We attend networking events designed to help people "in similar situations" meet each other. We assume that having comparable backgrounds will naturally lead to meaningful relationships.
Yet many women describe a particular frustration with these obvious approaches. The shared demographics that should foster instant connection often do not lead to lasting friendships. Conversations stay superficial. The relationships feel more like acquaintanceships than genuine bonds.
The issue isn't with finding people who share your background—it's with assuming that similar origins automatically mean you'll form meaningful connections. When the main thing that unites people is where they come from rather than where they're headed together, relationships often remain at the level of friendly chat.
The Purpose-Driven Alternative
What Nicole experienced in Guizhou shows us a different path to connection. When people come together around a shared mission—whether that's helping others, learning something new, or creating something meaningful—the focus shifts from making connections to making a difference. This shift changes everything about how relationships develop and grow.
"During the trip, we had plenty of chances to try Guizhou's local food, soak in the culture, and explore the waterfalls and natural beauty," Nicole recalls. "The whole experience and atmosphere really connected us, opening the door to deeper conversations and friendships."
Notice what happened here: the shared purpose provided the framework, but the genuine connection arose from vulnerable moments – trying new food together, navigating unfamiliar environments, experiencing beauty and challenge as a team. When you're focused on something meaningful beyond yourselves, cultural differences become assets rather than obstacles.
Working together for charity gave them a reason to be there. Sharing experiences - cultural, culinary, and natural - gave them stories to bond over. This combination created space for the kind of deeper conversations that reveal whether you truly enjoy each other's company, no matter where you come from.
Why Shared Goals Trump Shared Origins
Purpose-driven connections are powerful because they ignore background differences. When two people work toward a shared goal, you see who they truly are through their actions, values, and how they handle challenges—not based on their demographic categories.
This approach also creates what psychologists call "positive shared struggle". When people tackle challenges together for a meaningful cause, it sparks trust and closeness more quickly than months of casual socialising. Nicole and her friend weren't just having a chat about their lives—they were actively driving positive change together while navigating an unfamiliar place.
The natural bonding that happens through shared meals, cultural exploration, and experiencing beauty together became part of the foundation of their friendship. But it was the underlying purpose that made these moments meaningful rather than just pleasant tourist activities.
This demonstrates how women build authentic connections across cultures through real experience rather than forced networking. The relationships that emerge from genuine shared purpose often create stronger bonds than formal cultural exchange programmes because they're tested through actual collaboration and mutual support.
The Vulnerability Factor
Shared purpose creates natural opportunities for the kind of vulnerability that deepens relationships. When you're working towards something meaningful together, you reveal parts of yourself that don't come up in casual conversation - how you handle stress, what you care about enough to work for, how you support others when things get challenging.
Nicole's friendship developed because the charity context allowed both women to show their values in action. They could see each other's commitment to helping others, their approach to new cultural experiences, and their ability to find joy in simple pleasures like good food and natural beauty. These revelations create much stronger foundations for friendship than knowing someone shares your nationality or profession.
The shared challenges of being in an unfamiliar place, trying to make a positive impact, and navigating cultural differences together also created opportunities for mutual support. When people help each other through uncertain moments, it builds the kind of trust that translates into lasting connections.
Beyond One-Off Events
Effective purpose-driven communities know that one-off events, no matter how meaningful, need follow-up opportunities to keep the connections that form. Nicole's experience demonstrates how the initial shared purpose can uncover other areas of common ground - their shared interests in children, nature, and food - that provide ongoing reasons to stay connected.
This pattern repeats in successful international communities worldwide. The initial shared purpose acts as a filter, bringing together people who care about similar things. The collaborative experience reveals personality compatibility. The ongoing shared interests provide natural reasons to continue building the relationship.
Communities that encourage these types of connections often provide various ways to get involved around a shared core purpose. A community focused on environmental action might offer beach clean-ups, educational workshops, policy advocacy, and social events - all tied to the central mission but offering different opportunities for relationships to develop and grow.
Creating Your Own Purpose-Driven Connections
If you're looking to build more meaningful connections abroad, consider shifting your focus from finding "your people" to finding "your purpose." What causes matter to you? What do you want to learn or create? What kind of positive impact would energise you?
Then look for communities, events, or initiatives built around those purposes. You might discover more meaningful connections through volunteering for environmental causes than attending networking events. You could form stronger friendships through cooking classes focused on cultural exchange than through casual social meet-ups.
The key is choosing activities where the shared goal genuinely matters to you, rather than just looking for networking opportunities. When you're truly invested in the purpose, you'll naturally connect with others who share that investment—and those connections often go beyond surface-level cultural differences.
Ask yourself: What would you want to achieve with others, even if building relationships wasn't the main objective? Begin there, and let the connections grow organically through shared dedication and collaborative experience.
The Ripple Effect
Connections driven by purpose often create ever-widening circles of friendship and cultural understanding. Nicole's friendship hasn't just enriched her life—it's given her a deeper appreciation for cultural differences and shown her new ways to navigate building relationships across cultures.
When people from different backgrounds share similar values and goals, they can form real friendships. These connections serve as examples for others.
These relationships are usually stronger and can handle challenges like moving away, changing life situations, or external pressures. Friendships based on shared purpose and genuine connection, rather than convenience or background, tend to last even if people move apart or go through life changes.
The wider community also benefits, as these cross-cultural friendships help dismantle stereotypes and foster understanding that reaches beyond the individuals involved.
What shared purposes have created unexpected connections in your own life? Have you found that working towards common goals with others revealed friendship potential you wouldn't have anticipated based on backgrounds alone?
Nicole is a member of Global Friendship, based in Guangzhou. Read more about Global Friendship here:
